Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.

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loving you, isnt really something i should do...

today was good and bad all mixed in one. i dedcided it was time to writ ein my journal cause i was at the verge of smashing my mirror against the wall. i just finished crying my eyes out cause josh is like number one asshole. he comes up here and hes like hi. i was like oh hey, whats not too friendly though. and he completley acts like evrything is ok and he wast a total asshole yesterday. so he comes in and starts talking me about random stuff and then hes like well i am so tired so goodnight. im like goodnight. no hug nothing. we hug everynight except for the times when we are mad at eachother. i hope he gets the point. then hes like are you ok? and in the cheeriest voice i could produce i was like "yeah!" hes like no your not whats wrong. and i was like nothing i'm great. goodbye. and i waved him goodbye so i think he got the hint cause he left. words cant even describe how upset i am. i am trying to hold myself back from going after him so bad cause thats so not fair to me. but its killing me inside. i can feel this huge pressure on my heart and i dont know what to do about it.

ugh, moving on to better things (before i explode) i went to siner with amanda and vito today. it was pretty damn fun! i am soooo glad i went. we went to amys place and the spot, for coffee. ihave been dying to go to that place and it was pretty cool. we talked a lot and it was really nice. especially to hang out with different people. tomorrow i am gonna go to the lgbta office, hopefully i wont chicken out. hehe.

i wish i could do something to change myself. anything...

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