Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.

  • Mood:

good ones this week!

Girlfriend: I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I just keep falling asleep at the oddest times. I think I may be suffering from necrophilia.
Boyfriend: I sure hope you mean narcolepsy.
Girlfriend: Oh, yeah. I always get those confused.
Boyfriend: Well, as long as it's only the definitions that you confuse and not the symptoms...

--Grand Central

Hipster: The last time we were shrooming, I Febreezed the shit out of you.

--5th & 2nd

Chick on cell: I don't know what you're saying, but I have a ton of weed, so it doesn't matter.

--9th & 5th

Old, crunchy hipster: I'm all set -- I've got my weed in this pocket, and my granola bar in this one!

--Zappa Plays Zappa, Beacon Theater

Seven-year-old boy: Mom, I'm allergic to heroin.

--Duane Reade, 145th St

amphleteers: Take this pamphlet -- we swear we aren't fanatics!
Guy: I'm sure you aren't, unlike those Jews for Jesus assholes.
Pamphleteer: We are from Jews for Jesus! [Guy walks away laughing.]

--St. Mark's & 2nd

Dad: How was school today, buddy?
Three-year-old: Good... But my fucking truck broke.

--86th St & Central Park West

Smiling dad to giggling infant he's holding: Yeah, get yo' laugh on!

--49th & 10th

Cop to others: You know what's really fucking funny? Everybody around here looks fucking suspicious.

--Union Square (LOL SO TRUE)
Tags: funnies

  • (no subject)

    Oh my god, livejournal. Where have I been? Two years. It doesn't even seem that long. I wanna start writing again though, because I've been in a…

  • i hate the superbowl.

    someone kill me now. vito is making me watch the superbowl.

  • (no subject)

    tomorrow is my last day of college classes...ever. holy shit.

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