Chick (walking in elevator and looking at others): Sorry for staring, but you all have blue eyes. Blue-eyed woman: Yeah, we're all related. Chick: Really? Blue-eyed woman: Uh, no. Blue-eyed man: But don't worry, we'll be nice to you when we take over.
--Elevator, Roosevelt Hospital
Customer: I'll have an egg omelet. Cook: An egg omelet? Customer: Yeah, one made with eggs. Cook: Thank god you mentioned eggs. I was about to give you an omelet solely made from butter!
Little boy: Mommy, John McCain likes Abba. Mom: Does he really now? Then you two have something in common. Little boy: Noooooo!
--College Walk, Columbia University
Man: What the fuck are you doing in here? Woman: I'm sorry, I just had to pee. Man: Holy shit! I can't fucking believe it. The first time I see my ex-wife in forty years is in a men's bathroom.