Chick (walking in elevator and looking at others): Sorry for staring, but you all have blue eyes.
Blue-eyed woman: Yeah, we're all related.
Blue-eyed woman: Uh, no.
Blue-eyed man: But don't worry, we'll be nice to you when we take over.
--Elevator, Roosevelt Hospital
Customer: I'll have an egg omelet.
Cook: An egg omelet?
Customer: Yeah, one made with eggs.
Cook: Thank god you mentioned eggs. I was about to give you an omelet solely made from butter!
Little boy: Mommy, John McCain likes Abba.
Mom: Does he really now? Then you two have something in common.
Little boy: Noooooo!
--College Walk, Columbia University
Man: What the fuck are you doing in here?
Woman: I'm sorry, I just had to pee.
Man: Holy shit! I can't fucking believe it. The first time I see my ex-wife in forty years is in a men's bathroom.
--Picnic House Men's Room, Prospect Park